B”H

if (sLinkData != “”) document.write(“Edit“);

It’s all well and good to talk about the concept of pilegesh in theory. But I am one, so I know what it’s like in the real world.

I’d like to say up front that I do not agree with married men having a pilegesh. It’s not necessarily about halacha but because when people get married nowadays, implicitly they have made a promise to be monogamous to that person. And that promise is binding until that marriage ends.

Also, it upsets me when people use the framework of pilegesh to justify promiscuity. In order to be a pilegesh, you need to keep the rules. Taharat hamishpacha and all that entails. Making sure there is a three month gap between relationships.

I’ve been a pilegesh for three years with two different men (not at the same time obviously). I keep all the rules. If you saw me in the street I’d look the same as the other girls. The desperate, naive shidduch daters. I’m frum. I went to a religious high school. So you’re probably wondering why I decided to be a pilegesh to begin with.

It wasn’t something I planned on. Once I turned eighteen, it seemed I would have to get married to be able to act on the feelings I’d been having for a few years. I didn’t like the idea of having to settle down, but it didn’t seem I had a choice. Then I met a girl who changed my life. She was a few years older than me and introduced me to the idea. Not long after, I met my first boyfriend. And that’s it in a nutshell.

There have been a few major challenges. I had to find a mikvah where no one would question me or recognize me. That didn’t turn out to be so hard. I had to learn the halachos out of books instead of learning it from a kallah teacher. And of course, I have to keep it a secret. What I’m doing is not acceptable in the frum community. I understand why it can’t be. If everyone did this, chaos would ensue.

It’s hard sometimes. I wonder why I bother. If it’s not a kosher relationship, why follow all the rules? The answer is that I believe what I’m doing is halachically valid, even if it’s not accepted. I’m glad that I don’t have to get married in order to have this kind of relationship. Sure it can be difficult, but on the whole I feel it’s liberating.

B”H
Dear Friends!
Do you want a better browser and faster searching?
Want tools to make your computer run faster and be safer?
Get a Google pack and Firefox browser with Google toolbar:
Click here to download and install the Google pack.
And Google will give up to $2 to Pilegesh.org
Get just Firefox and Google toolbar and we get $1 click here to download
To donate money directly thru PayPal using your credit card or checking accountclick here.
Want to advertise here or have other questions, ideas, or sugestions please call 617-372-2312

Jewish Elders Lift 6,000-Year Ham Ban

JERUSALEM-The World Rabbinical Council announced that Jews worldwide may “dig in to the delicious taste of ham.”

.onion_embed {background: rgb(256, 256, 256) !important;border: 4px solid rgb(65, 160, 65);border-width: 4px 0 1px 0;margin: 10px 30px !important;padding: 5px;overflow: hidden !important;zoom: 1;}.onion_embed img {border: 0 !important;}.onion_embed a {display: inline;}.onion_embed a.img {float: left !important;margin: 0 5px 0 0 !important;width: 66px;display: block;overflow: hidden !important;}.onion_embed a.img img {border: 1px solid #222 !important;;width: 64px;;padding: 0 !important;;}.onion_embed h2 {line-height: 2px;;clear: none;;margin: 0 !important;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed h3 {line-height: 16px;font: bold 16px arial, sans-serif !important;margin: 3px 0 0 0 !important;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed h3 a {line-height: 16px !important;;color: rgb(0, 51, 102) !important;font: bold 16px arial, sans-serif !important;text-decoration: none !important;display: inline !important;;float: none !important;;text-transform: capitalize !important;}.onion_embed h3 a:hover {text-decoration: underline !important;color: rgb(204, 51, 51) !important;}.onion_embed p {color: #000 !important;;font: normal 11px/ 11px arial, sans-serif !important;;margin: 2px 0 0 0 !important;;padding: 0 !important;}.onion_embed a {display: inline !important;;float: none !important;}UPDATE: A reader from the Holy Land of Israel writes:

Sir,
Your article

Jewish Elders Lift 6,000-Year Ham Ban

should be removed. People will not understand it as a joke and will be misled,
G-d forbid, to transgress the laws of kashrut!

~C~

B”H
Today I got an email from the main posek (rabbinic adviser) of pilegesh blog who is a dayan (rabbinic judge)specializing in gitin (Jewish family law) living in Jerusalem with a sample pilegesh agreement he designed for Jewish couples.

Dear Ariel:

Atatched is a proposed pilegesh agreement. Of course
certain details need to be personalized, and certain
options need to be selected.

I am open to criticisms and suggestions for
improvement.
EmesL’Yaakov

On the 29th day of the month of Elul in the year 5767 from the creation of the world, Reuven ben Shim`on Smith took Esther bas Ya`akov Broide as his pilegesh.

In connection therewith they both declared1 as follows:

“We are entering a pilegesh relationship according to the laws of the Torah. All aspects of this relationship will be governed by the laws of the Torah as interpreted by our sages of blessed memory (Chaza”l).

We specifically declare that this relationship is not intended to be a marriage relationship, neither according to Jewish Law nor according (not erusin and not nissuin, not chuppah and not kiddushin) such that not get (Jewish religious divorce) is required when this relationship ends and no payment of c’tuvah (payment on dissolution of a marriage) is required.

We specifically make a t’nai (condition of the agreement) that if in fact the halacha (Jewsih Law) requires a get to end a pilegesh relationship, that this relationship is not even a pilegesh relationship, but rather just close friends.”

The parties agreed that the following general terms will govern their pilegesh relationship, which terms are applicable to all pilegesh relationships:

1. During the term of the pilegesh relationship, the aforementioned Esther will not have a sexual relationship with any man other than the aforementioned Reuvein, and for an additional 91 days after the relationship has ended (including the day of the break up), i.e. she will not have a relationship with someone else until the 92nd day.

2. The aforementioned Esther will go to the mikve (ritual bath) on a regular basis just as if she were a married woman, with all of the stringencies, laws and customs thereof. The couple will properly observe all of the laws of Jewish Family Purity (Taharath Hamishpachah). The parties understand that the Halachah about using birth control for them is the same as if they were married.

3. Any children born from this relationship are legitimate, and have the same rights to inherit, to receive love and care, etc. as any other children.

4. All siblings and half siblings will be kept informed of each other’s existence, and no efforts will be made to hide them from each other. Children of the relationship will be told who their father is.

5. Neither party will tell others that the relationship is a marriage relationship.

6. Each party will treat the other with proper respect at all times.

7. Neither party is the master of the other, therefore all of their shared activities will be by mutual consent.

8. The parties will conduct this relationship and all of their activities in accordance with Jewish Law (halacha).

9. If after the relationship has ended, despite the specific declaration that this is no a marriage relationship, a rabbi significant to the future of either party requires a get, then both parties agree that they will make all efforts necessary to actuate a get, and neither side will require any payment of any kind in order to agree to such a get. The cost of the get will be born by the one who wants it.

10. Neither party will assert any rights to the property of the other, neither while they are together, nor after they end their relationship. Neither party will ever make any claims of alimony or palimony except as may specifically be provided for in this agreement.

11. No property will be deemed jointly owned unless it was specifically agreed that it is joint property.

The parties also agreed to the following specific terms:

1. The pilegesh relationship will be in effect until the 29th day of Elul 5768 or until ended sooner by mutual agreement.

[alternative 1. The pilegesh relationship will be in effect until either party declares the end to the relationship.]

2. During the term of the relationship Reuvein will provide living accommodations for Esther as follows: ____________________________________

Or 2. During the terms of the relationship, Esther will provide her own living accommodations.

3. During the term of the relationship, Reuvein will provide support for Esther’s living needs including food and clothing as follows: ______________________________

Or 3. During the terms of the relationship Esther will provide for her own support.

4. Any disputes arising from this agreement will be decided by the Beith Din of the Beith Hora’ah of Monsey New York or their successors. [Or choose other Beith Din]

Or 4. Any disputes arising from this agreement will be decided by Rabbi Ploni or another rabbi selected by him, or if he is not available by Rabbi Almoni.

Signed: Yitschak ben Avraham Terachovitz, witness

Signed Shelom ben David Yishaisky, witness

And we the parties sign as a further indication that we have agreed to all of the conditions mentioned above:

Reuven ben Shim`on Smith

Esther bas Ya`akov Broide

1 It is probably preferable that this declaration be made in front of two kosher witnesses, and that the two kosher witnesses sign the pilegesh agreement.

B”H

90 Year-Old Farmer From India, Has 22nd Child With Fourth Wife
Nanu Ram Jogi with his latest child Girija Rajkumari attributes his long life and productivity to eating lots of meat
Jeremy Page in Delhi

The world’s oldest new dad has fathered his 21st child at the age of 90 and he says that he plans to continue breeding for at least another decade.

Nanu Ram Jogi, a farmer in the Indian state of Rajasthan, cannot remember exactly how many children he has produced with his four wives, but estimates that he has twelve sons, nine daughters and at least twenty grandchildren.

“Women love me,” he boasted as dozens of relatives came to see his 14-day-old daughter, Girija Rajkumari. “I want to have more children. I can survive another few decades and want to have children till I am 100. Then maybe it will be time to stop.”

Mr Jogi married his first wife, Lalki, in 1942 when he was 25, the world was at war and India was still five years away from gaining independence from Britain. He fathered his eldest daughter, Sita Devi, a year later.

He married his second wife, Punni, when he was 50 and his third marriage, to Rukman, came 20 years later in 1987. He married his current wife, Saburi, in 1997 when he was 80 and India’s economic boom was beginning to get under way.

Saburi, who is 50 and has given him seven children, was previously married to his eldest son, Shiv Lal, who died ten years ago.

“At first I didn’t want to stay here after my husband died,” she said. “It was a bad time and I was going to go back to my family, but Nanu insisted. He promised to look after me and said he would take care of my family, so I stayed and now we have seven children.”

So what is Mr Jogi’s secret? “I eat all kinds of meat: rabbits, lamb, chicken and wild animals,” he said. “There is a dense forest around the village. I go hunting most days and eat whatever I catch. Lots of food is my secret to staying healthy. I will survive another few decades to take care of these kids!”

The world’s oldest known father was an Australian called Les Colley, who was 92 when his ninth child was born. He died in 1998, just before his 100th birthday.

B”H
Orthodating gone meshuga?
Ruthie Blum , THE JERUSALEM POST

‘Rather than being selective about a potential spouse’s values, ambitions and character,” says EndTheMadness founder Chananya Weissman, “a growing number [of observant singles] are focused on things like what high school the person went to, or what the parents or siblings do for a living. This is not content that has any basis in terms of starting a marriage.”

As a result, he claims, fewer and fewer are finding mates, and more and more are divorcing the ones they have.

This state of affairs has been a source of worry to Weissman – a 29-year-old unmarried rabbi and owner of an eBay company – who established his non-profit organization nearly five years ago to combat it.

At fault, he argues, are several factors converging simultaneously. One is a shift on the part of the younger generation toward more stringency where rituals such as modesty are concerned – which makes “normal” meeting opportunities between boys and girls scarce. Another, a byproduct of the first, is the increasing reliance on matchmakers. This wouldn’t be so bad, says Weissman – a resident of New York, where the bulk of his organization’s activities take place – if pairing up people for blind dates involved substantive considerations, rather than superficial ones.

In an hour-long interview in Jerusalem (where, earlier this month, EndTheMadness sponsored a two-part discussion series, in conjunction with Habe’er and Congregation Beit Yosef, on the challenges facing the Orthodox dating scene), Weissman urges people to get to know themselves before seeking a significant other. He also bemoans what he believes is a lack of faith in God in the realm of spouse-searching. “If we date in an ethical and healthy way,” Weissman assures, “He will guide us through the process, just as He does in every other aspect of our lives.”

Why “EndTheMadness”? What’s the madness you’re referring to?

It’s the insanity that’s taken over the Orthodox dating world. It’s a corruption of Jewish values; a change of attitudes from the days when our parents and grandparents were dating. Today, many otherwise intelligent and reasonable people go about their search for a spouse in an abnormal way.

What do you mean?

Our parents and grandparents could meet socially in many different ways, even within the framework of Jewish law. They would meet in the synagogue, in school, in summer camp, at political rallies, wedding meals – perfectly normal and natural places for people to meet. Nowadays, a lot of those avenues have been closed off for singles.

Why?

Ostensibly because of modesty and Jewish law, but the pendulum has swung a bit too far. The price that’s paid is that singles aren’t meeting and getting married.

Are you saying that the younger generation is more frum [observant] than their parents?

Ostensibly, but this extreme behavior isn’t really frum. There are rabbis married today who met their wives at social functions back then – so it was perfectly normal in the framework of Jewish law. But today it’s being interpreted differently, which is why singles are not having the same opportunities to meet.

How did this happen?

What often happens in New York City, where I grew up, is that kids from Orthodox families might even attend a co-ed school for 17 years, and then they go to Israel for six months or a year and sort of “frum out” and change their whole value system.

Why Israel, of all places – which has the reputation of being not observant enough?

Many kids from Orthodox homes go to very sheltered yeshivas, where the influence of the rabbis is very strong. And while they’re learning Torah, which is good for them, sometimes they simultaneously undo all the perfectly good values their parents have taught them. Young kids are very impressionable, and it’s not healthy for them to be abandoning everything that they’ve been taught for the first 17 years of their lives in a short time span.

Do the parents of such kids generally disapprove when their kids go to Israel and transform? Or are they relieved that their daughters are staying away from boys?

A lot of them are torn. On the one hand, they see their children coming closer to their Judaism, and they’re very proud of it. On the other hand, they might have issues with some of the changes they see in their kids. This is a very difficult situation, because there’s a lot of social pressure on these kids, many of whom simply follow a path of Judaism that is expected of them, as opposed to one that’s based on learning and research. And that’s how they’re making choices.

What kind of pressure is being exerted on them in relation to choosing a potential spouse?

One thing girls are often told when they’re in Israel is that they should only look for a boy who’s planning on learning Torah for the rest of his life. Some of these girls might have grown up in homes in which it was normal for both the husband and the wife to have gone to college and work for a living, and now they’re being told to completely change their value system – to marry somebody with no plans of ever going to college or getting a job. Obviously, that lifestyle would be very different for them. That’s one example of a radical change the girls are being pressured into.

Pressured by whom?

By their teachers in Israel and by their social circle. They see what their friends are doing, and they feel pressure to do the same things. For example, the girls will see their friends going out on dates and getting married, and they’ll feel pressured to get married as well, even though they might not be ready for it. There’s not a certain age at which people are ready to get married; it’s a certain stage in life and growth. Some people are ready at 18 and some are not ready until they’re in their 30s. But seeing your friends get married is not a very good reason for doing it.

What you’re saying could be construed as contradictory. On the one hand, you’re saying that Orthodox singles are finding it hard to meet and marry; on the other hand, you’re saying they’re liable to get married too quickly because they see all their friends doing it.

It’s both. Because they have fewer opportunities to mingle, these people are relying more on shadchanim [matchmakers]. The shadchanim begin by nitpicking on the details of what constitutes a good match, and the singles themselves nitpick along with them. Now, if you are going to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you certainly should be picky. However, singles today are being picky about the wrong sorts of things. Rather than being selective about a potential spouse’s values, ambitions and character, a growing number are focused on things like what high school the person went to, or what the parents or siblings do for a living – not content that has any basis in terms of starting a marriage with somebody. When a single chooses not even to go out with somebody on a first date based on such things, it’s a big problem.

You make it sound as though this phenomenon only occurs in the Orthodox community. In fact, it’s something you could say about all singles.

It’s not necessarily restricted to the Orthodox. But I’m an Orthodox Jew, and these are the people I associate with most closely. And I see it happening a lot more than it used to.

What do you mean by “Orthodox”?

I’m using the term in a general sense. In fact, I’m actually starting a campaign to get rid of all the labels, since labeling is part of the problem. If a matchmaker asks a person what he’s looking for in a potential spouse, and the person says, “I’m looking for someone modern Orthodox,” what does that mean, really? It can mean 10 different things to 10 different people. I was once screening people for one of the Shabbat retreats we ran, and I asked participants to tell me a little bit about themselves, for the purpose of matching them up with hosts and meals, etc. Some gave me very thoughtful answers – about their personalities, their goals in life, different challenges they face, different qualities they’re proud to have – indicating that they really know who they are, and the kind of person they would be happy with. Others gave me short answers like, “I’m modern Orthodox,” to which I replied, “Excuse me, I’ve never heard that term before. Can you tell me what it means?”

One girl explained that it means she watches movies. So I said, “OK, why don’t you just tell me you watch movies, then?”

When I probed a little deeper, people would really struggle. They got frustrated and upset, and couldn’t really tell me anything. I actually advised some of them to go out on a date with themselves for a few hours and do some hard thinking about who they really are. If you don’t know who you are, you don’t have a very good chance of finding somebody who’s right for you.

You say you don’t like labels describing religious practice. Wouldn’t the absence of labels lead to confusion in the dating world? For example, an observant single could end up on a date with someone who keeps no mitzvot at all.

Many couples have been faced with such issues and have managed to work them out. Obviously, there needs to be some common ground and trust. It’s certainly complicated, but the real problem in the shidduch world lies in people’s expectation for everything to match up exactly on paper – as though, if a man and a woman are not carbon copies of each other, the marriage couldn’t possibly work. On the contrary, men and women are very different anyway by nature. In fact, the differences are what make a marriage beautiful. The ability to help one another in areas where the other may be lacking somewhat. It’s both a complementary and supplementary package. There’s certainly room for differences, and growth through experiencing those differences.

What’s your position on singles who are considered “damaged goods” by matchmakers – such as ba’alei tshuva [newly observant] or converts, or even those with divorced parents?

The stigma can go even farther than that. I’ve heard quite a few stories about children with physical or mental problems not getting treatment because, if word gets out, it would hurt the matchmaking prospects of their siblings. This is criminal. Monstrous. Yet that’s what’s going on in some circles. The organization considers it absolutely terrible for people to make life decisions based on such prejudices.

As far as ba’alei tshuva are concerned, I have a lot to say on the subject. The proper definition of the term ba’al tshuva is any Jew who repents for any sin he has committed. It does not mean a non-Orthodox Jew who becomes Orthodox. So, if a Jew goes to synagogue on Yom Kippur and cannot honestly say that he’s a ba’al tshuva, there’s something wrong with him. In fact, people who didn’t grow up in an Orthodox home and who are now more passionately Jewish are those who have struggled with the issues. They’ve sacrificed certain conveniences in their lives to live a Torah lifestyle. These are and should be the golden standard of the Jewish people. They’re the best Jews of all! They’ve proven a thoughtful dedication to their Judaism. Yet they are treated like second-class citizens in the world of matchmaking.

Why?

It comes from a false sense of seniority and superiority on the part of those who judge them. This is especially bad because it’s a judgment based not on a person as he is today, but on the person he used to be. It makes no sense. God judges us the way we are right now.

The same thing goes for converts. Look, a lot of our forefathers married ba’alei tshuva or converts. The precedent is there. And who among us today is better than Moses, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and a whole host of others?

Is it legitimate for someone to convert in order to marry a Jew?

It’s not the ideal reason to convert. But if a couple is going to get married anyway, of course it’s preferable that the non-Jew convert – if he or she intends to keep Jewish law. Without this intention, it’s not a halachic conversion altogether. So, though it’s not ideal, it’s true that people can stumble upon Judaism in many different ways, and this is one of them.

Let me play devil’s advocate here. Jewish law by nature is restrictive – even when it comes to marriage. It’s all well and good to talk about the essence of a person, but the fact is that certain people – no matter how right they are for each other – are forbidden to marry, such as a kohen and a divorcee.

Jewish law is what it is. I mean, if we truly believe that God is the ultimate matchmaker, we should also believe that if we date in an ethical and healthy way, He will guide us through the process, just as He does in every other aspect of our lives. But there’s a shortage of faith. The emphasis of faith in matchmakers is partly responsible for all the gameplaying and lying that goes on in the process of dating.

Perhaps the rationale for relying on matchmakers rather than what you call normal social events is that in today’s world, singles are more likely to end up having premarital sex.

I understand the rationale, but I don’t think an appropriate balance is being struck. Every humra – or stringency – in Jewish law is also a lenience in some other area. They’re being stringent in terms of modesty, and lenient in terms of aiding people to get married. So, though I completely understand the concern over modesty, this is part of the challenge of living a proper Jewish life. That’s where the parents and teachers have to come in and educate kids to face the challenges of a modern world. You can’t shelter people from temptations; they are readily available for anyone who wants to succumb to them. And if you shelter people, when they do get exposed to them – which, inevitably they do – they don’t have the tools to deal with them. It’s like kids who grow up in a sterile environment with no exposure to germs. The first time they catch a cold, it can be deadly.

What do you tell singles who might agree with your message, but argue that it’s not the way things work now in their circles – and therefore they have no choice but to go along with it?

That we’re following each other off a cliff. That’s where faith in God comes in. If you really believe that your chances of getting married are determined by the matchmaker and by what other people are doing, then go ahead. Follow that system and see if it works for you. I wish you the best of luck. But if you truly believe that God is running the show, and you feel that the system is corrupt, and it’s neither healthy nor comfortable for you, you have a choice. You can opt out and say, “I’m going to do things a different way.”

What if “doing things a different way” makes your parents or rabbi unhappy?

What’s the alternative – marrying someone inappropriate for you and having a miserable life? I don’t think that’s worthwhile, even if you have to anger your parents one time. And frankly, this is a life decision. You can’t afford to get it wrong.

Doesn’t marrying someone your parents disapprove of lead to misery?

Your parents are not the ones who have to live with your decision, and your rabbi is not the one who’s going to bail you out if the marriage doesn’t work. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of whom you marry. You certainly can get guidance from parents and rabbis, but ultimately, the choice of what’s best for you is yours.

Who are the people you seek to influence? Who is your core focus group?

People who are on the fence about the issues, or who feel that the current model is not working – and they feel isolated and afraid to say anything about it. I’m trying to show them that there are thousands of like-minded Jews across the demographic spectrum who see things the way they do, and that they should not be afraid to tell a matchmaker that his or her questions are relevant or even appropriate.

Let’s be fair to the matchmakers. What if they only asked the questions you deem appropriate – about values and character and arranged a date between a man who wants his wife to wear skirts and a woman who wears pants? Don’t things like this give an indication of suitability?

It could be, but my rabbi, Moshe Tendler, says that the way people dress is not usually a sign of their essence. It’s simply a reflection on where he or she grew up. The only way to get to know the essence of a person is to get to know him.

Take the yarmulke, for example. People take it to mean all kinds of things. You know why I wear the one I wear? Because I think it’s pretty. I’m not making a political statement. Someone else looking at it might make certain judgments about my beliefs and he’d probably be wrong. Frankly, I think that anybody who thinks he can advertise to the world what kind of person he is based on a piece of cloth is a very shallow person. People are complex, nuanced.

You say that not everybody is ready to get married at a certain age. Does this mean you see nothing wrong with people getting married well into their 30s, for example?

I do see something wrong with that. Though people shouldn’t get married one day before they’re ready, Judaism is centered around marriage and family, not around being single into advanced age. Marriage is the ideal state of Jewish life. A person should be married if he’s able to have a marriage. Therefore, people should be looking to get married younger. When people are older, they tend to be more set in their ways. The younger someone is when he gets married, the greater the opportunity he has to grow with his spouse, and have more children. You mentioned sexual temptations. Well, one of the ways to be spared this problem is by getting married. The later you get married, the more room there is for temptations that lead to sinning.

Speaking of sexuality, how much value do you attach to physical attraction as an impetus?

Attraction is very important. People shouldn’t marry someone they don’t find physically attractive. But there are extremes in this area as well. There are people who say they won’t marry someone who doesn’t look a particular way. But certainly a husband and wife should be attracted to one another. In certain circles, this is understated or made to be like a dirty thing. In fact, it’s one of the justifications for only letting singles go on blind dates. But let’s face it, they’re not going to a marry a person they haven’t seen yet. This is another reason for my believing in people meeting in a natural way, because once you’ve met in a social setting, you’ve gotten the question of whether you find someone attractive out of the way already. I mean, if you ask someone out on a date, obviously you’re physically attracted to her.

So, what kind of “normal” social events do you provide for singles?

I run community events. In singles events, you have a bunch of people maybe listening to a lecture and then afterward mingling over refreshments. It’s forced; it’s awkward; it’s weird. Our events provide some value or purpose beyond that of singles meeting. For example, a charity project. One Pessah we made care packages for a nursing home. This is a way of doing something meaningful, and along the way, getting to know other singles.

You said that God guides us in this realm as in all others. How do we know when we’re allowing Him to do so? How do we know which matchmaking path He wants us to follow?

By reading and studying His book, the Torah.

But all the singles you’re trying to educate do read and study Torah.

Some of them put their own beliefs into the Torah, rather than letting the Torah speak to them. The Torah is an educational guide. It’s not meant to confuse us, if we really study it with sincerity and an open mind.

How has your view of this issue affected your own search for a spouse?

It’s given me more confidence. When EndTheMadness was launched five years ago this October, I had just begun dating. And some warned me that this might harm my shidduch chances because it’s controversial. I said, “On the contrary; it filters out all the women who disapprove of what I’m doing – women who wouldn’t be right for me.”

This article can also be read at http://www.jpost.com /servlet/Satellite?cid=1188392493015&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull

B”H
How Viagra makes men loving as well as lusty
By DANIEL MARTIN

Anti-impotence drugs can turn men into more loving partners, new research suggests.

As well as its original aim of improving sexual performance, Viagra boosts levels of a “cuddle chemical” in the brain that increases a man’s love for his partner.

Scientists have found that the little blue pill stimulates production of the love hormone oxytocin, which is believed to promote romantic feelings and bonding between couples.

Scroll down for more

‘Viagra may make a man more loving as well as improve his physical performance’

The chemical is released during orgasm and also has an important role in social interaction, childbirth and breastfeeding.

The discovery that anti-impotence drugs can also make men love their women more was made by scientists from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the US.

Study leader Proefssor Meyer Jackson, said: “This is one piece in a puzzle in which many pieces are still not available.

“But it raises the possibility that erectile dysfunction drugs could be doing more than just affecting erectile dysfunction.”

Viagra overcomes impotence by blocking phosphodiesterase type 5, a chemical that limits blood flow. Scientists have now discovered that this chemical also regulates the release of ‘love hormones’ in the brain.

Viagra: boosts levels of a ‘cuddle chemical’ in the brain

It means that Viagra effectively stimulates the brain to pump out more of this love chemical.

However, Professor Jackson warns that Viagra cannot make a man love a woman he has no feelings for. There has to be some affection there to start with.

“Erectile dysfunction drugs do not induce erections spontaneously, they enhance the response to sexual stimulation,” he said.

“The same thing is happening in the posterior pituitary – Viagra will not induce the release of oxytocin on its own, but it will enhance the amount of release you get in response to electrical stimulation.

“I think this is a missing link in terms of trying to sort out the issues around whether there are additional effects of phoshodiesterase type 5 inhibitors.”

Two other drugs, Levitra and Cialis, work in the same way by blocking the same enzyme – meaning they are likely also to increase levels of love chemicals in men.

The discovery, to be published in the Journal of Psychology, was made by measuring levels of oxytocin produced by rats.

When the rats’ pituitary glands were exposed to Viagra, they released three times more oxytocin than they did without the drug.

Professor Jackson said because oxytocin is well-known for its ability to promote the forging of strong social bonds, it may also provdie a biological explanation for why people fall in love, especially after sex.

The study is one of many investigating the beneficial side-effects of anti-impotence drugs. Another recent study has shown that Viagra helps hamsters overcome jetlag. But Argentinian scientsists found it only applied to flights going east.

A trial is underway to find out whether Viagra can help reduce the numbers of premature babies. Mums-to-be are being given the drug to increase the blood supply to the womb, allowing the baby to get all the nutrients they need.

And another study is looking at whether the drug can be used to help men with chronic hip pain.